Short shorts and Who Dat?!?

I'm am swimming in a sea of 1990 Skybox. The good news for you, and more importantly, for me, is that I finally got through sorting it this afternoon. I have about 6,000 of these things. And, thanks to a shortage of Gary Paytons, only 6 complete sets. Oh well. At least next week you can look forward to seeing scenes from a different set.

That doesn't mean that there aren't a few more gems from this set. Its easy to forget that sometime about 18 years ago, short shorts went away. Nowadays, shorts go down to players ankles. That's a good thing. Here's why:

There's a lot of 7'7" Manute Bol to see even without hip huggers. In these things though, its just an endless sea of skinniness...
Sal...dude...you're going to scare that little boy down there.
Alex English is a legend of a player. And thanks to the magic of photographic technology, he can be remembered for his lovely thighs as well.

There's so much wrong with this picture, I don't even know where to start. It was painful enough watching Will Purdue play basketball but I never needed to see that much of his legs. Now lets talk about that girls shirt. I may have had a shirt like that at her age. With the matching scrunchie her friend is wearing. This will give me nightmares for sure.

There are so many ways this could break bad...

And Mr. Short Shorts himself:

Yes, may the short shorts live on in infamy.

Now, WTF? Will the real Otis Thorpe please stand up?

Isn't it somebody's job...

...to make sure things like this don't happen?

Now we move on from what TF to who TF? Here's a series of guys that are hereby getting a shout out because I think they were shortchanged on their 15 minutes of fame by about 14 minutes. Don't worry if you've never heard of any of these guys. No one has.

Mike McGee

- 6'5 shooting guard/small forward from Michigan. Played 9 season in the NBA (serious?!?) and won 2 Championships with the Lakers (really...seriously?!?). Lanard Copeland - Played college ball at Georgia State. Played 33 games in the NBA before jumping continents to play for the Melbourne Tigers of Australia where he averaged 22 ppg for 13 seasons. Copeland played until 2007 in Australia before retirement.

Stuart Gray - Born 1963 in Panama. Gray attended UCLA. He played for about 7 years and averaged 2.3 ppg and 2.6 rebounds per game.

Frank Kornet - Played 2 seasons with the Bucks after being drafted 30th overall. Averaged 1.9 ppg. Played college ball at Vandy.

Ben Coleman - Ooohh, this guy played for both Minnesota and Maryland. Drafted #37 by the Bulls but didn't play professionally until 1986 for the Nets. He last appeared for the Pistons in 1994 after a 3 year absense from the league.

Scott Haffner - A fighting Illini collegetly, Haffner only managed 2 seasons in the NBA. One with Miami, one with Charlotte. Haffner actually saw action in 36 games during his rookie season, starting in 6.

Dyron Nix - Dyron played only one season in the NBA, apparently this season with the Pacers. Nix played college hoops at Tennessee. He averaged 2.0 in the 20 games played.

Tim Kempton - Selected by the Clipps in 1986 (being selected by the Clippers can never be a good sign) out of Notre Dame. Kempton did play for 8 seasons in the NBA however. Being 6'10" can't hurt. Kempton is now a radio analyst for the Phoenix Suns.

Anthony Jones - Guard out of Georgetown and UNLV. Jones played from 1986 to 1990 (ooohhh, this is his retirement year card). Jones also played in Italy after his stint in the NBA.

Jeff Sanders - Sanders played 4 seasons in the NBA, appearing in 55 games after playing college hoops at Georgia Southern. He also played internationally in Turkey.

Brian Rowsom - His college resume is nice, playing for UNC. He played 3 seasons in the NBA, for the Pacers and Hornets. He also played in Israel (they have pro basketball in Israel?)

Michael Smith - I can't look up this guy. There's too many Michael Smith's in the world.

Zarko Paspalj - Serbian hoopster. He played a lot of hoops worldwide, but only a brief stint with the Spurs. Represented Yugoslavia in 2 Olympics.

The 90's According to Skybox

Just when I thought I was done sorting the ugliest set of cards ever conceived...
I entered the weekend of sorting 1990's Skybox and realized I was wrong. Granted, this is the only truly ugly set of the lot but it sure takes the prize. Yup, those computer generated stripes really bring the game to life...or if not it's bound to give some former flower children acid flashbacks. And don't get me started on the short-shorts. They speak for themselves.

The 90's gave us many things, the least of which was tall hair. Did this sideways-do0 by Armon Gilliam drive anyone else crazy 18 years ago?

Aaahhh, and then there's the 90's uniforms. I recall hearing a quote by Charles Barkley saying that these Sixers uni's look like "something my 4 year old colored". I can see why these haven't made an appearance in a throwback game.

But with the bad came the good. These Denver road stylings might be my favorite uniform of all time. Definitly better than the baby blue's they're sporting these days. That rainbow city setting is iconic.

Have these goggles made an appearance since the days of Abdul-Jabbar, Worthy, and Buck? These were a GREAT look! Bring back the goggles!

Wow. What can I say. That's dedication to a look...of some sort. Are those pearls he's wearing. And we can thank Skybox for memorializing this fashion road kill on a basketball card for all history and posterity. Someone will dig this up at an archeological site 1000 years from now and think that this is how we all dressed. And they won't be entirely wrong.

Haven't seen an "X" hat since 1992. And what on earth is that shirt all about?

monobrow- mon-oh brou - noun - see below:

And here I thought Johnny Depp starred in Cry Baby...

What could possibly have been so exciting in a game against the Clippers. Ever.